Spatial Rift #47

"Give you an example, show you what I mean: suppose you're thinking about a plate of shrimp." - Repo Man

"Eat recycled food. It's good for the planet, and okay for you." - Judge Dredd

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli." - The Godfather

"Maybe what I think Tasty Wheat tasted like actually tasted like oatmeal, or tuna fish." - The Matrix

"Try the grey stuff, it's delicious!" - Beauty and the Beast

"I love Italian food, and so do you." - Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

"And monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington D.C." - Clue

"Or else pizza is gonna send out for you!" - Spaceballs

"That's a big twinkie." - Ghostbusters

"Try the wine. And the apples, one of those next." - Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

Ladies! And! Gentlemen! The winner is ... the one, the only ... dartmouth05! Hip hip, hooray! Your shipments of confetti and ticker tape will be arriving shortly.

Honorable mention goes to roamin_umpire for identifying Star Trek IV as a sappy romantic comedy, especially since the exchange in question is between Kirk and Spock.

EDIT: Another honorable mention goes to elenia's SO for being one of only two four people on the entire planet to have seen Judge Dredd. Well done.

Poll #1426606 It's Alimentary: A Food-based Movie Quote Quiz
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

"Give you an example, show you what I mean: suppose you're thinking about a plate of shrimp."

"Eat recycled food. It's good for the planet, and okay for you."

"Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."

"Maybe what I think Tasty Wheat tasted like actually tasted like oatmeal, or tuna fish."

"Try the grey stuff, it's delicious!"

"I love Italian food, and so do you."

"And monkey's brains, though popular in Cantonese cuisine, are not often to be found in Washington D.C."

"Or else pizza is gonna send out for you!"

"That's a big twinkie."

"Try the wine. And the apples, one of those next."

( Electroacoustics, or how to get sound from electricity )

As always, I welcome your questions and suggested topics.

I just received this email from Tufts:

"The World Health Organization has officially declared an H1N1 pandemic. The pandemic declaration does not indicate that this disease is severe, in fact, it has been relatively mild. Rather, the pandemic designation reflects that H1N1 is a novel strain of influenza that spreads easily from person to person, with increasing and sustained transmission in multiple parts of world. At this point, the illness displays the same degree of severity as seen in the typical seasonal winter flu. It is affecting primarily children and young adults, with the majority of cases seen in people under 25."

Phew, that was close.

It's SpatialRift's Semiannual Silver Screen Schedule: The Sequel!

Moon (Jun 12): Sam Rockwell plays a solitary astronaut on the moon with naught but a computer to keep him company. Insanity ensues. You might say he goes loony.
Public Enemies (Jul 1): Johnny Depp as a bank-robbing gangster, with FBI agent Christian Bale hot on his heels. This has BADASS written all over it in giant block letters that are themselves also badass. Not just any typeface is capable of containing this much badass.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Jul 17): Duh.
District 9 (Aug 14): Peter Jackson's new film about some unwelcome alien visitors. Possible allegory to American foreign policy with 70% chance of balls-out weirdness. Bring a poncho.
Ponyo (Aug 14): The latest movie from Miyazaki, who brought us Mononoke, Spirited Away, and Howl's Moving Castle. Seems to be a version of the Little Mermaid story. Guaranteed to have breathtaking animation, especially since it's mostly set in the ocean.
Inglourious Basterds: A new Tarantino flick, one apparently a long time coming. Who wants to see Brad Pitt kill some Nazis? I do! I do!
9 (Sep 9): Elijah Wood plays a small creature who undertakes a long journey to save the world. With the underdog and a group of unlikely friends fighting against deadly enemies, can evil be defeated? In all seriousness, this is a post-apocalyptic animated movie with a lot of charm and the weight of a Tim Burton producer credit promising some slick visuals.
Surrogates (Sep 25): [announcer voice] In a world where everyone lives through machines, can one man save us all from ourselves? [/announcer voice] Since that man is Bruce Willis, I'm gonna have to go with a big FUCK YES HE CAN.
Zombieland (Oct 9): Irreverence? Check. Woody Harrelson? Check. Zombies? Double check. Seriously, this looks hilarious. I know trailers can lie, but if this movie is even half as good as the trailer suggests it'll be worth it.
Avatar (Dec 18): No, not that Avatar, a sci fi entry by the long absent James Cameron with, word has it, some seriously beefed up animation. As in, uber-3D CGI-mixed-with-live-action levels of beef. This is where the beef is, folks. We finally found it. Sigourney Weaver loves it and says there's a lot of science in it too. Science and beef. You heard it here first.
Sherlock Holmes (Dec 25): Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law in a steampunk extravaganza. Sign me up. Also, it's freaking Sherlock Holmes. You do not need any further incentive to go see this movie.

Special Feature! These movies rank a solid "maybe":

The Boat That Rocked (Aug 28): A little creative history about an illegal rock 'n roll radio station broadcasting from a boat off Britain. Drama will possibly be contrived since there was no actual British sentiment that broadcasting rock music is a wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Where the Wild Things Are (Oct 16): Jury's still out on whether a ten sentence book can provide a ninety minute movie. Visuals look great though - it's nice to see that not everything is CGI.
Astro Boy (Oct 23): On the one hand, robot boy with jet boots and laser blasters. On the other, Nicolas Cage.

YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never really clicked, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my f-list, so let me know with whom I'm friends!


1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

This is one of those ideas I have where, as a result of combining things of widely disparate type and origin, I'm probably the only one who will find it funny or entertaining. It's a parody of "One Night in Bangkok" about a certain area in Metroid Prime 3: Corruption.

( One Night In Bangkok )

( One Night In Skytown )

I'm going to break from my tradition of not posting stuff that happens in my own life, which I've had because lately my real life has been interesting to live but not interesting to read about. But recently, something exciting happened. I was returning from a brief visit home to New Jersey when, on the highway, my tire blew out. The tire was old and bald, just like Patrick Stewart, and caused a lot of excitement, just like Patrick Stewart, and has been replaced, just like Patrick Stewart never could be. But the exciting part is what the old tire now looks like. I have pictures. Come get some good old fashioned devastation!

( Devastation this way )

Here, have an icon meme!

1. Reply to this post with 'Icons!', and I will pick five of your icons.
2. Make a post (including the meme info) and talk about the icons I chose.
3. Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts.
4. This will create a never-ending cycle of icon glee.



And now, a lamp. The final frame of a comic strip from Bob The Angry Flower. I have absolutely no recollection of which one, but I do remember it was just as gratuitous there as it is out of context. Used whenever the hell I feel like it.



A shot of Foreman from House, obviously, overlaid with the perennial lament of Kel from Kenan & Kel. He just looks like he's saying it. Credit to _sciocco



A line from Ferngully. Yes, Ferngully. Some of Robin Williams' trademark cracked out humor. Used for when people are being irrepressibly human. Credit to scary_lullabies.



A line from Hitchhiker's, acourse. Used for silliness. Credit to snacky.



SNEAK ATTAAAAACK! Self-explanatory. Credit to whoresque.

Comment and five user-seeking question missiles will be fired at your current location.

From elenia:

1. Tell me your feelings on robots! I am dying to know. Would you go to a robot doctor? Would you let your kids be taught by a robot? Would you consider having sex with a robot?

I think robots could be of dramatic benefit to the human race. But, here's the thing, the positions you mention require not just a robotic form but true artificial intelligence. There is progress being made in that direction by parallel computing learning programs, that learn just like we do, by experience and generalization. Given one of those, I would have no problem with going to a robot doctor or letting my kids have a robot teacher.

That last one is different. If you're talking sexbots that are built, designed, and programmed only to be fantastic in bed, then no. But my stipulation of artificial intelligence leaves the door open for "artificial" people that differ only in their chemical composition - metallic instead of organic. True androids. In such a case it is possible that I would be legitimately attracted to one enough to have sex with it.

2. You have to spend a week as a different race. You're going to be whisked away from your friends and family. Think summer camp. And you will really look and act just like the other race, so you'll get an insight into their world. What race and why? (And yes, I am aware race is a human construct. Work with me!)

I think Japanese, with one restriction - I would like to be in the position of a Japanese physics student. The Asian approach to studying math and science is radically different from the American approach. They focus on almost pure memorization, cramming as much information into the students' heads as possible, whereas American programs focus on problem solving techniques. I would like to see what the mindset is of someone who has undergone the former, so I can then incorporate it into my own further studies.

3. Thoughts on immigration?

I think in general it should be easier for people to switch countries than it is currently. With regards to the specific subject of illegal Mexican immigration into the USA, I think making it easier for them to come over legally will dramatically reduce the illegal immigration. That said, the notion that it's somehow too difficult for a country with our military budget to stop them from coming through is ludicrous.

4. A genie comes along and tells you you can instantly master any ONE Langauge. What do you pick and why?

Latin. It's the language I wish I had studied in high school, and it would instantly unlock a dozen other languages.

5. Socks?

I love socks. I'm also partial to going barefoot. Basically, not shoes. I always have all-identical socks. No matching required, they're all alike anyway.

Comment and get four questions! Act now and I'll throw in a fifth at no extra charge!

From modillian

1. Discuss the recent baconization trend (bacon sandwich spread, woven bacon, bacon lube, etc). For or against it?

Not to mention Bacon Salt and Baconnaise. As a vegetarian I am partially in favor of this trend. There are many bacon-type products, such as the two I mentioned, made without actual meat. I am delighted that I can now experience something that at least resembles the flavor of bacon. I also am amused by the creativity shown with some of the real bacon products, like woven bacon. But I stop at endorsing the actual production of bacon.

2. Is the glass half-full, half-empty, or something else?

The glass is thirst-quenching.

3. Would you, could you on a plane? Would you, could you on a train? (re: eating green eggs and ham)

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING EGGS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!

4. If a genie popped up and gave three wishes that would come true, what would they be?

If "more wishes" is okay, then "more wishes", followed by the items below for starters. If "more wishes" is not okay:

a) Freely available android bodies I (and my friends and family if they wish) can use to prolong life.
b) Transporter technology.
c) That I would meet someone to spend the rest of my life with.

5. What is the most overused scifi/fantasy plotline that you wish would just go away and never come back? (alternate: what plotline of any sort do you wish would jump off a cliff and never come back?)

Oh man. I want to exile into oblivion the plot where conflict is created because the characters don't just frakkin' TALK to each other. It renders all the drama meaningless, and worse, frustrating.

Comment and get five questions of your very own to hug and squeeze and call them George.

From oldstarnewshine:

1. Most important thing you feel you could do with your physics degree? In laymans terms, for those of us who are not the brightest bulbs.

Well, here's the thing with physics - it is knowledge for knowledge's sake. I believe that to understand the natural laws of the Universe is an end in and of itself. I believe it is the most important, meaningful thing I could do with my life. So really the degree is not the means to an end, but an incidental byproduct of our educational system. The "end" is that I am constantly improving the extent to which I understand the Universe.

However, if you're discussing more practical applications, I would like to first point out that quantum mechanics was once the most abstract, obscure theory ever imagined by man, and it has resulted in every piece of electronics ever created. We cannot possibly imagine what the next great theory of physics will tell us, and so the possibilities are truly limitless.

2. What was the most spiritual you've ever felt?

Uhm, probably when I was a kid and still believed in god.

3. Hats. Discuss.

I like hats. Personally I tend to collect funny or odd hats, like my Klein Bottle hat. I also have a greek fisherman's cap I picked up at an Army/Navy surplus store. But in general I think hats have undergone a disappointing decline in recent years. It's all caps now and the only variation is in what logo you have on your cap. Bring back the beret, the trilby, the fedora. I even started a facebook group called Society for the Return of Hats.

4. What got you started with puns? Why, oh why, do you continue?

I don't know that there was a definite start date. I've been making puns all my life. What got me started writing them in the form I post in this journal was probably a fascination with the initial format I had them in, resembling a dictionary definition. I just thought it would be an amusing thing to do. I had weekly themes back in those days. Eventually I got tired of that format and branched out into all kinds of setups for puns. I have over 400 of them written now, and as a result of that I make puns without even trying anymore. I continue because it would at this point be a herculean effort just to stop.

5. If you were to get a phrase as a tattoo, what phrase would it be? Assume, of course, that the tattoo is non-negotiable.

Oof, this is hard. My focus is far too ephemeral to be stapled to one phrase for the rest of my life. So I'll have to go with this: The one equation that represents all of the physics of the entire Universe. Granted we don't know what this is yet, but when physicists do nail down a unified theory of everything (which I hope will happen in my lifetime), we have a knack for condensing things down to one equation. That's what I'd want. Plus there's the added bonus of suddenly having the answer to life, the Universe, and everything appear on my shoulder.

Immersion is that quality of a video game whose presence makes one feel as though present in the virtual world presented on the screen. It's not breaking the fourth wall so much as making you forget there ever was one. To paraphrase Yatzhee, low immersion won't necessarily ruin a good game, but high immersion can save an otherwise bad one. A high degree of immersion is often what makes the greatest games so memorable, to the point of elements from the game intruding in on our perceptions months or years after we've put the game down and moved onto bigger, if not better, things.

And when I say 'our' I mean 'my', because lately I've noticed just how many of my stray daydreams are informed by the video games I've played. So we're going to have a little game of our own. I'm going to list the things I've imagined happening, and y'all are going to try to guess which game they come from. Here we go!

-That my game is saved every time I use the toilet.
-Stopping to feed the birds and receiving praise for it.
-That, after walking out of my apartment at night and some ways down the street, I will suddenly re-appear at the front door screaming "this isn't happening!" because it was a hallucination.
-That I could rewind the last five seconds after making a mistake.
-That I needed to shoot a door to open it.


That's all I can think of for now. Maybe more later? Feel free to share your own immersion experiences!

Some no-spoilers preliminary thoughts on the new Star Trek movie, in no particular order:

-The biggest doubt I had is that they would sacrifice established continuity for the sake of telling a Darker and Edgier story of the origins of Kirk & Co. Much to my surprise, they managed to do the latter without doing the former. If you get down to brass tacks about why your average Trek fan hated Enterprise, the recent TV series, it's that the show disregarded everything we already knew about the pre-Kirk era. The reason Star Trek works and Enterprise didn't is that Enterprise threw continuity out the window, and Star Trek holds it up to a funhouse mirror.

-The cast was phenomenal. Zachary Quinto is 95% the Spock that Leonard Nimoy was. Chris Pine ... well, he's 80% of Shatner's Kirk. But Simon Pegg was 99% of Doohan's Scotty, and Karl Urban, wow. Urban was 100% as much McCoy as De Kelley was.

-Going back to that first point, not only did they not sodomize continuity with a rusty phaser set to stun, they went out of their way to put in little things that appeal directly to the hardcore fans. Names and phrases only recognizable to those who have dressed in a Starfleet uniform at least once. Kind of like throwing scraps of steak to the dog, and I think I just insulted myself with my own metaphor. (Dammit Jim, if getting excited about 'set phasers to stun' is wrong, I don't want to be right!) Anyway, on a more general level, parts of the movie felt as iconic to me as the original series. I was very impressed with this. The reason the original series was so successful in the first place is that the characters are larger than life, and I feel they managed to capture at least some of that here.


( Punch it! (here be spoilers) )

Ebert, in his review, laments the lack of the original series' cerebral quality. It's true, in recent years Star Trek has increasingly distanced itself from playing with notions of science and philosophy. However, and this is especially true of the new movie, it has continued to address questions of humanity, particularly the interplay between self-determination and heritage. When you consider that Gene Roddenberry's original vision for Star Trek was a better, brighter vision for humanity's future, I think that's the most important question of all. Hopefully this new Star Trek will continue to raise it.

To sum up: As your friendly neighborhood Star Trek ubergeek, it is my official report that the new Star Trek movie is indeed a successful enterprise.

Top Ten Reasons Why You Want to Date a Geek
10) We're intelligent, so we have well-paying jobs, so we have transportation and don't live with our parents. Well, usually.
9) It's really easy to make us happy - just show some interest in our favorite geeky pastime. Bonus points for getting into costume. Extra bonus points for the gold bikini.
8) If you're reading this, there's a decent chance you're a geek too. One of us! One of us!
7) We're introspective. That means we spend a lot of time thinking about how we feel, in between fragging space aliens and killing dragons in dungeons.
6) We're articulate, so we can, like, talk good about our feelings too.
5) Yes, we can fix your computer.
4) We tend to have a good memory for details. That means that in addition to remembering birthdays, anniversary, and your food/flower/fashion preferences, we can also remember the really important stuff like the quadratic formula and the contra code.
3) Your competition for our attention is limited to things that beep. You win.
2) We have spent our entire lives having to devote our total focus to whomever we are speaking with to efficiently navigate the subtleties and eccentricities of human social interaction, as well as committing full brainpower to analysis of whatever we are hearing as a matter of interest. In other words, we will listen when you speak.
1) All the time and brainpower we put into things like this list gets directed towards the relationship. Well, that and surfing the internet.

I don't usually recommend businesses, very rarely in real life and to the best of my knowledge never on here. But something happened just now that was so remarkable that it needs to be remarked upon. The business in question is Rosie's Bakery. I was at the Cambridge, MA location buying a cupcake (for roommate's birthday purposes) and brownies (for general brownie-having purposes), and the cash I had was one dollar short. So I reach for my debit card, but the clerk/baker/guy-on-staff - whatever, I'm going to call him Mr. Awesome, for reasons that will shortly become clear.

He told me he'd take the $8, and make up the difference from the tip jar. Let that sink in for a moment.

First, he sold me the pastries for less than they were marked at. Then, as if that wasn't enough, he gave of his own tip jar to make up the difference. Why? Because it was easier for me.

THAT is customer service. And it has definitely ensured that I will be back there, tipping generously.

But even outside of good business practices, it's just plain good. It's the kind of consideration that is rapidly vanishing from American society. It is a sign that the notions of community and courtesy are not dead after all.

So, yeah. For the first time I will be returning to a bakery for reasons not entirely motivated by my love of chocolate. Amazing.

"I just put it in a cup" - this was the answer given to a customer who had just been given a sample of a new kind of tea by the manager of a cafe near my office in response to "How do you serve it?"

So naturally I got to thinking, how ELSE would you serve tea?

-Infuse it into an apple, let the apple sit in the sun for three hours. Then the customer sucks it out of the apple.
-Inject it directly into the customer's bloodstream with an IV.
-Poured into the customer's mouth by a large Norwegian woman named Helga.
-Condensed into a solid brick, wrapped with a slice of lemon, and smashed into the customer's head.
-Evaporated into a paper bag. Customer then breathes it in.

Okay, I'm sure he meant something far more mundane. But let's see if we can't come up with the most ridiculously pretentious ways to serve tea. Readyyyy GO.

My apologies in advance to anyone who might ever need me to think about anything ever again. I can't, because MY BRAIN IS NOW BROKEN.

Honestly I don't even know why I'm challenging you guys to top this for weirdness, because I know nothing ever will. But go ahead, knock yourselves out if this image hasn't already.

Comment on this post. I will choose seven interests from your profile and you will explain what they mean and why you are interested in them. Post this along with your answers in your own journal so others can play along.

oldstarnewshine gave me:

chocolate again: I love chocolate too much to list it once, so I listed it again.

feynman: Richard Feynman, one of the most brilliant minds ever, full stop. Amazing physicist, amazing storyteller, and definitely a character. Ferris Bueller Richard Feynman, you're my hero.

house m.d.: Best TV show on the air, bar none.

quentin tarantino: Fantastic movie maker. Where would we be without Kill Bill, Reservoir Dogs, and Pulp Fiction? A much darker, unhappier place, that's where.

moo: MOO WITH ME PEOPLE. A great conversation starter.

nonlocality: Ah, finally one that's a little more complicated. As some of you know, my primary career interest is the physics of spacetime. From space and time arise concepts of distance and location. As it turns out, if you interpret certain aspects of quantum mechanics, you are forced to conclude that certain interactions between particles occur without regard to any intervening distance, i.e. the particles interact non-locally. That spacetime admits such non-locality is, I think, extremely fascinating, and fascinatingly counterintuitive.

jersey diners: Where else can you get a milkshake thicker than Rosie O'Donnell's thighs at 1:30 in the morning? Greasy, fatty, feel-good food served to you by a waitress who's old enough to remember TV ads for cigarettes, and who's been smoking them since then.

Similar to my semi-annual Movie Agenda, I've decided to post here a list of video games that I intend to play within the remaining portion of this calendar year. This list is a little more broad, however, spanning the mists of time from games released years ago that I simply haven't played yet to upcoming releases. Feel free to jeer at me for being behind the times, get excited about the upcoming releases, et cetera.

-The Conduit. Upcoming FPS for the Wii. Promises a fantastic control system with heretofore unseen awesomeness in using the Wiimote.

-Bioshock and Bioshock 2. Yes, I know, I should have played Bioshock already. Shush.

-Okami. Zelda-type adventure/exploration game, based loosely on Japanese mythology and set in Japan. You paint your enemies into oblivion using the Celestial Brush.

-Ghostbusters: The Video Game, to be released in June. What could be cooler than using the wiimote as a proton pack to snare ghosts? In addition, all the original names wrote and acted the story (save Rick Moranis and Sigourney Weaver). It's Ghostbusters 3, guys.

-Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and/or Link to the Past. Y'see, Twilight Princess was - believe it or else - my first ever Zelda game. I liked it, a lot, and I feel I should experience some of the earlier classics of the franchise. Recommendations in this area will be appreciated.

-Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga. Total, unabashed, inner-child-spoiling fun.

-ExciteBots: Trick Racing. In the grand tradition of Excitebike and Excite Truck, it's a racing game, but this time you control what are essentially transformers. Just imagine the possibilities!

So. Video games. Discuss!

( You Spin Me Right Round )

As always, your questions and suggested topics are welcome.